Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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