The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did i walk over a car last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
