This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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