nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
