it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
