it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
