It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
