i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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