im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
