Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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