I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I want a musical about memes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
