You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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