According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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