Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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