He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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