it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
