Your face is a jimmy john
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
