I'm pants shitting drunk right now
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
