my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize