I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
