my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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