Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
