grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize