Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
