Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
