I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
