how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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