there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
