Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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