I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
