I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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