I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
