I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
