How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
