I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
