your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
