things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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