made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
