that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
