I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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