The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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