he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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