i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
