i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
