just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
