There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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