Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
