Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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