My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
