Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
