Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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