Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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