I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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