apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
