You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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