I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
