idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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