batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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