I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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