the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
