My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
