i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
