is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found the puke drawer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
