I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
