I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
4 words: hood of his car
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
